Act+3

Sarah Bugay Maddie Bates Becca Smith Natalie Panochko Tomy Abdul-Razaq //Hamlet// Project Script Act 3

Scene 1: (//Gertrude, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Claudius// ) Claudius plots with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

King: And can you by no drift of confidence get from him why he act so *bleeping* Crazy

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: He does confess he feels himself distracted, but as he has been in a pretty wasted state lately, he does keep the secret safe. And it just so happened that we came across some playas on the way home, of these we told him and he seemed so happy that he perked up and started re-gel his already helmet-like hair. (//Cut to Hamlet gelling//) King- I’m very happy to hear that. Gertrude leave us too. (//R/G and Gertrude leave//) For we have sent for Hamlet hither that he as it by accident, may stumble upon his classy ex Ophelia. Her Father and myself will creep behind the curtain so that we can find out what’s what and discover if he still loves his boo. (//Enter Polonius and Ophelia// ) Polonius: Ophelia sit here and watch this episode of Martha Stuart that show of such an exercise may disguise your loneliness. I smell his hair gel approaching. Withdraw my Lord. //(King and Polonius leave) (Enter Hamlet)// Hamlet: To tan or not to tan? Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to stay pale; or to enter a tanning bed against a sea of troubles and by bronzing them, end them. To contract Melanoma to sleep no more—and by a sleep we say end the heartache and the nasty milky skin that fresh is theirs too. ‘Tis a cancerous form devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep, to sleep per chance to dream of Hollywood tans. Ay there’s the rub. For in that tanning bed what dreams may come when we have fist pumped off this mortal coil. Must give us pause there’s the respect that makes calamity of such long life. To grant and sweat under the strobe light the dread of afterlife the undiscovered night clubs from which no fist-pumper returns puzzles us and makes us rather bear the ills we have than dance to others we know not of. Thus, knowledge makes punks of us all and thus the native tan of resolution is sickled over with the pale cast of thought. We lose the name of action the fine Ophelia nympho in thy horizons be all my pale skin remembered. Ophelia: Hey babe. How you doin’ ? Hamlet: I’m just chillin’. Ophelia: I got your *bleep* *bleep*take it! bleep*. Hamlet: Haha are you forreal? Ophelia: Huh? Hamlet: Are you forreal? Ophelia: What are you talking about? Hamlet: Just because you’re hot you can be fake. The bonds of my hair gel to my head are not as strong as the bonds between your beauty and your honesty. I broke my rule: I fell in love at the Jersey shore. Ophelia: Yeah you made me think so. Hamlet: you should not believe me. Anybody can act like a good person but your issues will come up sooner or later. I didn’t love you. Get thee to a rehab with Dr. Drew. Why do you wanna keep acting like a ho? I’m a pretty good guy but I know there are some things about me that disappoint my mother and father (Rest in peace cross yourself). I’m proud, revengeful, and ambitious. What are guys like me supposed to do? Don’t believe anything that any of us say. Catch the next bus to rehab. (//Claudius drops something)// Where’s your father? Ophelia: At home, Hamlet Hamlet: I hope he gets locked in so he may play the fool nowhere but his own house. Peace. Ophelia: God help you. Hamlet: If you ever do get a guy to marry you I hope you’re as cold as ice. Get thee to rehab. And another thing: marry only a punk because any strong Italian man will know what an idiot you make of them. To rehab! Go! Ophelia: Oh god! Hamlet: Go cake some more make-up on your face. You do your nasty dances at the clubs and then make yourself look like a fool. I don’t want anything else to do with you. Marriage makes me sick. Those that married already all but one shall live. REHAB Ophelia: Wow I really messed that guy up. I totally trashed his street cred. This sucks. //(King and Polonius enter//)

King: Love? Didn’t look that way to me. He didn’t sound crazy either though he was acting like a *bleep*. We’ll send him to Montana and hope that whatever’s bothering will surface. What do you think? Polonius: It’ll probably work, but I still think that he’s still buggin’ because Ophelia shut him down. Don’t worry Ophelia, you don’t have to tell us what he said we heard it all. Do as you want Claudius but after the show make him talk to his mother. She’ll get it out of him. King: Madness in a man as tan as that can’t go unwatched.

Scene 2 (Hamlet and three players) Hamlet: Speak the speech, I tell you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue; but if you gotta mouth it, as many of our players do, I had as lief the town crier spoke my lines. Get the message across without freaking people out. Player: I gotch you, man Hamlet: Keep your cool, man. Just don't hold back too much. Dance to the song- sing to the dance. With that, you won't mess up. Just don't overdo it, because others have, they imitated humanity so abominable. And let those that play clowns speak no more than is set down for them. It shows evil and makes you a fool. Go get ready. // (Players exit) (Enter Polonius, R/G) // Hamlet: //(to King)// Hey, are you going to see the play? Polonius: And her royal highness, too! Hamlet: The actors have to get ready. //(to G/R)// Go and help them! //(Polonius leaves)//

G/R: Yeah, yeah //(They exit)// Hamlet: My man, Horatio! //(enter Horatio)// Horatio: Wassup, Hamlet? Hamlet: I love you, man, you're awesome Horatio: Aw… Hamlet… Hamlet: No, it's cool. I'm not complimenting you for something in return. Let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp and crook the pregnant hinges of the knee where thrift may follow fawning. Do you hear? My soul suffers. Give me that man that is not passion's slave, and I will wear him in my heart's core, in my heart of heart. There's a play tonight, which Claudius will see. And one scene is basically about my father's death. I need you to watch my uncle. If he doesn't look guilty, then it is a damned ghost we have seen. Watch him, and so will I. Horatio: Yeah, I'll definitely do that. // (THE PLAY) (enter Queen, King, Polonius, Ophelia..) // King: What's goin' on, Hamlet? Hamlet: Not much. I eat the air, promise- crammed. You can't feed capons so. King: What are you talking about? I never said that. Hamlet: Neither did I. (to Polonius) Didn't you act in college? Polonius: Yeah, I was a good actor! I was Julius Caesar, Brutus killed me. Hamlet: How brutal. Everyone ready? Queen: Come next to me, Hammie Hamlet: Na, I see my girl right here. (takes place next to Ophelia. To her): Can I put my head in your lap sweetheart? Ophelia: Um, no. Hamlet: Come on, not like that- you're so dirty! That's a fair thought to lie between ladies' legs. Ophelia: What? Hamlet: Nothing. Ophelia: You're really happy today… Hamlet: Oh God, your only jig-maker. Why can't I be happy? Everyone's so happy. Look at how happy my mom is—my dad died within 2 hours. Ophelia: It's been twice two months. Hamlet: So long? Then, let the devil wear black. Died 2 months ago, and not forgotten yet? A great man's memory may outlive his life half a year, he must build his churches then! // (play begins- summary) // // (A woman and man hold each other. He falls asleep, she leaves him, another man comes in, takes off his CHAIN, kisses it, music comes on. Man starts fist pumping him til he dies, woman comes in sees he is dead, Body carried away, prisoner gives Queen gifts, after a while accepts his love. End) // Ophelia: What does this play even mean? Hamlet: Crazy girl, it means mischief // (Enter 'narrator') // Ophelia: So does this guy like tell us what if all means? Hamlet: Yeah. Don't be ashamed to know, cause he's not ashamed to tell. Ophelia: Hamlet, you are so creepy. // (silence on stage) // Ophelia: Jeez, that was short. Hamlet: Like a woman's love. // (play starts) // Actor King: It's been 30 years since our wedding day. Actress Queen: So many journeys, experiences we've had. It scares me, you've been so sick lately... Women fear too much...even as they love. Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear. Where little fears grow great, great love grows there. Actor King: If I do leave you, you will live in this world- honored, beloved, and you will have a husband. Actress Queen: Oh shut up! None wed the second but who killed the first. That would be so disrespectful. A second time I kill my husband dead when second husband kisses me in bed. Actor King: You say this now but when I leave, you will be lonely.. This world is not for me.. This is a question that is left to be proven, whether love lead fortune of else fortune love. Who not needs shall never lack a friend. and who wants a creepy friend, directly makes him his enemy. And so now you think you will not have a second husband, but those thoughts will die when your first husband is dead. I tell you now- if once a widow, ever I be wife. Actor King: Sweetheart, leave me here for a while, I'm getting tired... //(sleeps)// Actress Queen: Sweet dreams, honey, and never come mischance between us//. (she exits)// Hamlet: Enjoying the play, mom? Queen: The lady protests too much Hamlet: Ha, but she'll keep her word. King: Did you see what just happened? Isn't it offensive? Hamlet: Oh, it's just a joke. No offense in the world. King: What's this play called? Hamlet: "The Mousetrap." It's based on a murder in Vienna. Those who have a clean conscience, it doesn't bother us. Look, that's the King's nephew, Lucianus. Ophelia: You might as well be in the play. You know all about it. Hamlet: Yeah, I can also interpret between you and your love. Ophelia: You're so keen. Hamlet: It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge Ophelia: Still better and worse. Hamlet: So you confuse your boys Actor Lucianus: Black hands, convenient timing, natural magic end life immediately. (starts fist pumping himself) Hamlet: In a little bit, you'll see how the murderer gets the love of Gonzago's wife. // (King rises) // Ophelia: The King is getting up Hamlet: Scared over a silly play? Queen: What's wrong? Polonius: It's the play King: The lights... Polonius: Turn on the lights!! // (everyone but Horatio and Hamlet leave) // Hamlet: Horatio! I believe the ghost! Do you? Is it true? Horatio: Yes, absolutely Hamlet: Did you see him during the fist pumping?? Horatio: Yes, I saw

Hamlet: Yes! I told you! Let's go turn on some music! R/G: Hey Hamlet, can we talk? Hamlet: We can talk a whole history! R/G: The King... Hamlet: What about him? R/G: Is in his room, pretty pissed… Hamlet: With a drink, I hope R/G: No, Hamlet, he's sick Hamlet: Well, go to a doctor then. R/G: You gotta chill Hamlet: I'm cool, continue… R/G: Your mom has sent me. Hamlet: Ha, you're welcome. R/G: No, I'm going to do what she asked me to. Can you give me a good answer— Hamlet: I can't, I can't give you a good answer because I'm CRAZY, remember?? You say my mother… R/G: She says she is amazed at your behavior... Hamlet: Oh wonderful son that can astonish a mother! R/G: She wants to talk to you in her room Hamlet: Alright. Do you have anything else you want to say? R/G: Hamlet, we were boys once. Hamlet: And we still are R/G: What's bothering you? Tell me // (enter the players, Hamlet takes a flute from one of them) // Hamlet: Will you play upon this flute? R/G: I can't, I don't know how to Hamlet: Please R/G: I really can't. I don't know how it works Hamlet: It's as easy as lying. Hold it between your fingers and thumb and blow. It will let out beautiful music. R/G: That means nothing to me. I don't have the skill Hamlet: Well, look at that! You would play me, you know how to do that. You would play me from my lowest note to the highest, and there is much music, excellent voice in this little organ, but you can't make it speak. You think I'm easier to play than a flute? Call me whatever instrument you want, and even though you can annoy me, you can't play me. // (Enter Polonius) // Polonius: Hamlet, go see the Queen // (All but Hamlet exit) // Hamlet: Oh, Hamlet, don't lose your nature. Don't let me be cruel to her. My words will be like knives, but I will not use any. // (He exits) //

Scene 3

King- I don’t like him, and I don’t think it’s right to have him acting all crazy around here. Take that crazy *bleep* to Montana. He’s a danger to my beach. Guildenstern – we will ourselves provide. Most holy, religious, and traditional Italian fear of it is to keep our many clubs safe that rely on your tan self. Rosencrantz – the single and peculiar life is bound with all the strength of my hair gel, but the spirit of the beach dies not alone. This situation doth draw what’s near it; or is it a massy wheel fixed on the summit of the tallest tanning bed, if it falls, no one will tan forever more. Never alone will you sigh, but with all of Jersey Shore. King – Put some more gel in your hair and cake some more makeup on your faces, I pray you, to this speedy voyage. For now we need to stop freaking out about the situation. Rosencrantz – Chill, we’re hurrying. // (enter Polonius) // Polonius – My lord, he’s going to his mother’s closet. Behind the arrass I’ll be creeping on them to assess the situation. She’ll probs yell at him a lot; but since I’m not his ma I’ll be less partial to him. I’ll call upon you before you pass out and tell you what I know. Peace! King – Thanks, bro. // (Polonius exits) // Oh my offense stinks like the smell of a thousand rotten meatballs, it smells to all of Jersey; it hath the primal curse upon it, the murder of an Italian brother. Pray I can not, though inclination be as sharp as the spikes on my head. My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent, and, like a man to double business bound I stand in pause where I shall first begin and both neglect. What if this cursed hand were thicker than itself with brother’s blood? Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens to wash it white as the sand on the beach? Whereto serves mercy but to confront the visage of offense? And what’s in prayer but this twofold force, to be forestalled ere we come to fall, or pardoned being down? Then I’ll look up. My fault is past. But, o, what form of prayer can serve my turn? “Forgive me my foul murder?” that cannot be, since I am still possessed of those effects for which I did the murder: my beach, mine own ambition, and my girl. May one be pardoned and retain the goods? In the corrupt currents of this ocean we call the world, offense’s gilded hand may fistbump justice, and oft ‘tis seen the wicked prize itself buys out the law. But ‘tis not so above: there is no shuffling; there the action lies in his true nature, and we ourselves compelled even to the teeth and forehead of our faults to give in evidence. What then? What rests? Try what repentance can. What can it not? Yet what can it, when one cannot repent? This sucks! O heart black as the depths of the ocean! O limed soul, that, struggling to be free, art more engaged! Help angels! Make assay. Bow stubborn knees, and heart with strings of steel be soft as sinews of the newborn babe. All may be well. //(he kneels)// // (enter Hamlet) // Hamlet – Now might I do it, while he is in the confessional, and now I’ll do it (starts fistbumping). And so he goes to heaven, and so am I revenged. Then I’d be screwed: a *bleep* soul kills my father, and for that, I, his sole son, do this same *bleep* send to heaven. Why, this is hire and salary, not revenge. And am I then revenged to take him in the purging of his soul, when he is fit and seasoned for his passage? No. I must stop my fistbumping (stops). When he is passed out drunk, or in his rage, incestuously hooking up with my mother, or some other messed up act—then trip him, that his heels may kick at heaven, and that his soul may be as damned and black as hell, whereto it goes. My mother stays. This physic but prolongs thy sickly days. // (Hamlet exits) // King- //(rising)// my words fly up, my thoughts remain in Jersey; words without thoughts never to heaven go //(exits).//

Scene 4 (//Queen and Polonius in Queen’s chambers)//

Polonius- Let him know the way he’s acting isn’t cool. He’s not being true to the house and it’s not going to be okay. Hamlet (in distance)- Motha, motha, motha Queen- I agree, I’ll be straight with him (//Polonius hides, enter Hamlet)// Hamlet- Now, motha what’s the matter? Queen- You have disrespected your father. Hamlet- No, //you// have disrespected //my// father. Queen- Have you forgotten who you’re talking to? Hamlet- You are the Queen, your husband’s brother’s wife, and (would it were not so) you are my mother. Sit. You won’t leave until you’ve seen all that you’ve become. Queen- What are you doing?! You’re going to kill me?! Polonius (from hiding spot)- HELP! Hamlet- How now, a rat? You have him in here?! Spying?! (//Hamlet fistbumps Polonius to death)// Polonius- You killed me. Queen- O me, what’ve you done? Hamlet- Nay I know not. Is it the King? Queen- O, what a rash and bloody deed is this! Hamlet- This might almost be as bad, good mother, as killing a king and marrying his brother. Queen- Kill a king? Hamlet- You heard what I said. (//To Polonius)// You sneaky, rash, fake fool, PEACE. I look thee for thy better. Take thy fortune. Thou find’st to be too busy is some danger. (//To Queen)// You take no responsibility for your actions. You wipe your heart clean of everything your marriage was supposed to mean to you. You don’t fall in love after marriage, you don’t fall in love at the Jersey Shore. Queen- You can’t talk to your motha like that! Hamlet- You fell in love at the Jersey Shore. Such an act that blurs the grace and blush of modesty, calls virtue hypocrite, takes off the fling from the fair forehead of a summer fling and sets the blister there, makes marriage vows as false as my skin color—O, such a deed as from the body of contractions plucks the very soul, and sweet religion makes a rhapsody of words! I won’t judge you, but Heaven will. Queen- What are you talking about? Hamlet- You had two brothers. One a true team player; he would take one for the team, go tanning, and party all night long. This was your husband. Look at what you have now. Here is your husband, like a mildewed ear blasting his wholesome brother. Have you eyes? Can you really be with him? Yeah right. Have you eyes? It’s not love, at your age you’re too old for that and the passions gone. What do you see in him? Why aren’t you embarrassed? O shame, where is thy heavenly blush? Rebellious hell, if thou canst mutine in a matron’s bones, to flaming youth let virtue be as wax and melt in her own fire. Your judgment day will come. Queen- O Hamlet, speak no more! You’re making me see what I really did, what I really am. All I can see is the leftover hair gel and cancerous moles. Hamlet- Yeah but to stay in your corrupted marriage is disgusting! Queen- O, speak to me no more! These words are like someone fistbumping my ears! No more, sweet Hamlet! Hamlet- A murderer and a villain, a fool who isn’t 1/80 of the man my father was, a player giving a bad name to the family that stole the crown and put it in his pocket— Queen- No more! Hamlet- A king of shreds and patches— (//Enter Ghost)// Hamlet- Save me and hover o’er me with your wings, you heavenly guards!—What would your gracious figure? Queen- Alas, he’s nutty Hamlet- Are you disappointed I haven’t acted sooner letting time and passion go by? Ghost- Do not forget to leave your mother out of this. Don’t stray from your purpose. Look at your mother. Even with her tan she looks pale. Talk to her. Hamlet- How is it with you, lady? Queen- Alas, how is ‘t with you, that you do bend your eye on vacancy and with the incorporal air do hold discourse? Your hair isn’t styled with its usual look and its sticking up everywhere. What’s happened to you? O gentle son, have you lost your mind? Hamlet- At him! (//To Ghost)// Do not look upon me, less with this piteous action you convert my stern effects. Then what I have to do will want true color—tears perchance for blood. Queen- To whom do you speak this? Hamlet- Do you see nothing there? Queen- Nothing at all, yet all that is I see. Hamlet- Nor did you nothing hear? Queen- No, nothing but ourselves. Hamlet- Why, look you there, look how it steals away! My father, in his habit as he lived! Look where he goes even now out at the strobe lighting! (//Ghost exits)// Queen- You’re crazy. Hamlet- I’m not talking crazy! Test me and you’ll see that mother, for the love of grace, lay not the flattering unction to your soul that not your trespass but my madness speaks. Confess yourself to heaven, repent what’s past, avoid what is to come, and do not spread the compost on the weeds to make them ranker. Forgive me this is my virtue, for, in the fatness of these pursy times, virtue itself of vice must pardon beg, yea, curb and woo for leave to do him good. Queen- O Hamlet, thou hast cleft my heat in twain! Hamlet- Go get yourself pretty and start over. Good night. But go not to my uncle’s bed. Assume virtue if you have it not. Refrain tonight and that shall lend a kind of easiness to the next abstinence, the next more easy for use almost can change the stamp of nature and either the devil or throw him out with wonderous potency. Once more, good night, and, when you are desirous to be blest, I’ll blessing beg of you. I shouldn’t have done what I did to this guy; but heavenly hath please it so to punish me with this and this with me, that I must be their scourge and minister. I will bestow him and will answer well the death I gave him. So, again, goodnight. I must be cruel only to be kind. This bad begins, and worse remains behind. Queen- What shall I do? Hamlet- Do not let him seduce you. You’re my father’s girl. Show him you have no respect for his tricks and his fooling around. Queen- Be though assured, if words be made of breath and breath of life, I have no life to breathe what thou hast said to me. Hamlet- I must to Montana, you know that. Queen- Alack, I had forgot! ‘Tis so concluded on. bleep **fool. Good night, mother. Hamlet- There’s letters sealed; and my two schoolfellows, whom I will trust as I will adders fanged, they bear the mandate, they must sweep my way and marshal me to knavery. Let it work, for ‘tis the sport to have the engineer hoist with his own petard; and ‘t shall go hard but I will delve one yard below their mines and blow them at the moon. I, ‘tis most sweet when in one line two crafts directly meet. This man shall set me packing. I’ll go to Montana where here I acted like a punk bleep** fool. Good night, mother. (//Hamlet and Queen exit)//

**Rationale** Costume: The men in Jersey Shore typically have gelled, spiky hair, tanned skin, and well toned abdominal muscles. The women typically have on revealing clothes and a generous amount of makeup on their faces. The costumes we picked for the people in our play are dressed as such. Scene 1 The dialogue in scene one is formatted to be has closely related to the way the Jersey shore people react and interact with each other. In Jersey Shore tanning is regarded has a way to relax and have fun and in hamlet “to be or not to be speech”, we relate tanning to the speech. The tan or not to tan speech is talking about how life would be if there are unable to tan. Although they want to tan are unable to choose between tanning and not tanning. Which relates to Hamlet talking about either killing himself or not. We try to portray the characters of the Jersey Shore in our scene one by our choice of language, there’s a lot of **bleeping** because it’s they way the people of Jersey shore talk with one another. However, at the same time we try not to lose our own characters. When Hamlet and Ophelia talk, their dialogue is similar to that of the people of the Jersey Shore. In the conversation, there’s a lot of *bleeping ** and trash talking. It also seems like there’s love between Ophelia and Hamlet but we their relationship as that of one at the Jersey shore. Hamlet tells of Ophelia to get herself to rehab- in this case we are double-talking because a rehab could be a place to get rid of one’s addiction but it can also be a place of shelter when everything is going wrong. Scene 2 Hamlet and Horatio are very close and in jersey shore they are like Mike and Paul D. Therefore, the dialogue between Horatio and Hamlet is more of the brotherly love between Mike and Paul D as seen in Jersey shore. Hamlet talks about what he and Ophelia has been doing, and in the Jersey Shore the guys always talk about the girls they had sex with without being afraid of what people think. The dialogue between Ophelia and Hamlet reflects how Jersey Shore men talk to their women and how they are nothing but the next person around to be intimate with. When Hamlet begins talking during the play, we portray him as Mike “The Situation” in Jersey Shore. His character is the one who always wants the attention and makes people uncomfortable because of they way he acts. Hamlet is shown to be very vulgar and explicit in the way he talks to the people in the play within a play.

Scene 3 Montana is used as the place Hamlet is being sent to because in the original play, he is sent to England, which is an undesirable place. In our version, any place with a beach is desirable, and the cold, mountainous Montana is the exact opposite. The “bleeped” out profanity is used to make the characters talk more like the characters in Jersey Shore speak. Tanning is very important to the characters in Jersey Shore, therefore everyone in our version of Hamlet is expected to be tan/orange. The importance of tanning and being tan is stressed throughout the dialogue. For example, in the beginning of the scene, Rosencrantz says to Claudius, “a massy wheel fixed on the summit of the tallest tanning bed, if it falls, no one will tan forever more.” The word “situation” is used as many times as possible throughout the dialogue to parody Mike “The Situation.” In Jersey Shore, the males apply amble amounts of gel to their hair while the females apply generous amounts of makeup to their faces. There is a physical representation of this as well as references in the text. A popular act among the Jersey Shore cast is “fistbumping.” There are references to this act in the text, and it is used as the favorable weapon of murder. In the show, characters talk one-on-one to the camera and the audience in a private room called the “confessional,” which was used in the “confessional scene.” Hamlet was at the door of this private room, listening to the soliloquy Claudius gave to the camera/audience. Scene 4 The “house” Polonius is referring to in the beginning of the scene, in Jersey Shore language, is the kingdom and the country. In the Jersey Shore, all of the roommates stay in the house, and if someone isn’t being ‘true to the house,’ they mean the person isn’t being loyal to the rest of the roommates. The casual and modern language mirrors the language used in the show. Fistbumping is again used a weapon, this time to kill Polonius. One of the motto’s of the characters from the show is “don’t fall in love at the Jersey Shore,” which is why this quote is used to often. Again, the use of tanning and hair gel is present in the script. Another reference to Jersey Shore life is the “strobe lighting” that is mentioned. Clubbing is a frequent activity in the show, and strobe lights were often present.